


"home"

by sneezefiction



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst to Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, HQ x Reader, Haikyuu x Reader, Kuroo - Freeform, Lonely Reader, M/M, kuroo x reader - Freeform, mutual feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:08:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26289253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sneezefiction/pseuds/sneezefiction
Summary: sometimes loneliness catches you in your weakest moments, but even as you grapple with your feelings for him, Kuroo still manages to make you feel at home.---find this work and more on my Tumblr, Sneezefiction: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sneezefiction
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou & Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	"home"

This isn’t exactly what Kuroo had expected when you’d texted him to come get you from the campus library.

He’d driven up to the building’s curb-side donning a gray hoodie and a cheeky, cheshire grin, ready to take you back to the apartment and put on some sort of sci-fi movie. But as you slowly approach the dented, familiar car, your feet lightly dragging on the concrete as you grew closer, he realizes that the movie watching will have to wait.

Because as he opens the tinted passenger-side window, Kuroo can tell you’ve been crying.

It was dark out, something you had hoped would disguise your teary eyes. But grief was etched into the lines of a tired grimace and the illumination of the lamppost was just bright enough to reveal your tear-streaked cheeks. By the look of it, he could deduce that you’ve been wiping them away for a while now.

Kuroo can’t help but stare, taken-aback by the puffiness in your face and that lost look in your eyes. You seemed so vulnerable, so alone out in the open like that.

If it weren’t for his tight, surprise-induced grip on the wheel, he would’ve gotten out of the car and held you right where you stood. But his feelings for you were… more than complicated. You also appeared uncomfortable standing out there on your own, and understandably so. This wasn’t exactly your emotional norm. Or at least, knowing you, he didn’t think it was.

You tugged at your sleeves, biting your lip sharply enough that Kuroo thought it had to hurt, and avoided his golden gaze. You were ashamed that he had to see you like this.

Kuroo, your roommate turned best friend, was finally witnessing one of your infrequent, but debilitating mental breakdowns. No one was supposed to see you like this, eyes red and lips bruised from frustrated chewing. It was rare to even see you cry outside of a movie theater or without your face being wedged between the pages of a book with some sort of sentimental value, so this was quite emotionally revealing to say the least.

It must have come as a bit of a shock to your usually more talkative, teasing friend, but if he was startled, he didn’t show it. Kuroo kept a calm demeanor and softened his features after getting a good look at you through the window.

But you remained a safe distance from the car, not yet ready to hop in yet. Because once you did you knew there would be questions.

The bed-headed boy had always been observant, sometimes to the point where you wondered if he had mind-reading abilities. He always noticed your mood changes and quirked expressions even when you were sure you’d hidden them well enough. Whether it was the sparkle of elation in your eye when you’d received a good grade on a project you’d poured your all into or the way your face fell while you crashed onto the couch after a failed date, Kuroo knew each and every look perfectly. Some might wonder why he cared to memorize your expressions and their meanings, but you passed it off as something that all best friends could do.

Either way, the novelty of the situation had him at a loss, so you were sure that the questions would roll once you’d made it back to the quiet of the apartment.

But the problem is... questions mean closeness.

You didn’t quite want to be an open-book with him yet. At least not to the point of spilling your heart out all over him in a messy stream of tears and endless sniffles.

Not when you were balancing your friendship and feelings for him. Not when he made your heart flutter helplessly like that. Not when your living arrangements required a certain level of comfort and freedom from both parties. And definitely not when you’d just been crying over the perpetual state of loneliness you periodically found yourself in.

Because in all honesty, you _really_ liked Kuroo.

And you had every reason to like him. From the black, rooster hair that you’d ruffle first thing in the morning while he made his espresso. The displeased face he pulled whenever he attempted to drink it without milk and sugar to feel more ‘sophisticated.’ The goofy, jabbing comments that managed to make you laugh after an achingly long day…

And those small, seemingly innocent touches. The ones that sent sparks flying within your chest, warming you from the center of your heart all the way up to your burning cheeks. His eyes grew warmer, dare you say affectionate, after seeing your face light up from one of his stupid science puns that other friends of his would simply sigh at. It had your heart on overdrive.

Feelings could really fuck with this world you two had built together.

It was already hard enough living with him. You were so close, yet still so far from his reach. Your sock clad feet could rest on his lap, but not your head. You could tug at his hair, but you couldn’t tenderly twirl it around. And he could always flirt with you, leaving your skin burning hotter than a midsummer Carolina night, but you wouldn’t let yourself comment back, fearful that your true feelings would come out.

But just like dirty laundry, you were airing yourself out to the world. Or at least to the ebony-haired boy who you considered to be a big part of your world.

You’re not quite sure why you’d called him of all people anyway. You could’ve just as easily texted someone who wouldn’t ask for an explanation. Your tears would’ve probably dried by the time you’d gotten home if you’d chosen to grab an Ub*r. But you knew he would be worried for you, though his sharp eyes hid it so well.

Underneath all of the wit and humor, those scheming smiles and that fiery determination, Kuroo was softhearted. He would listen, advise, and worst of all… he would understand, which scared you. You had already fallen hard for him and letting him see into that blackhole, that pool of murky, suffocating loneliness, would only make you want to hold him more.

But for him to see right through you, right into your long-suffering feelings for him and for them to not be reciprocated… it would break you.

“...Hey.” Kuroo’s smile fades, his softened voice pricking at your heart a little.

He sifts through the right words to say. What phrasing would sound the most comforting? What sounded the most natural coming from him? It was like trying to catch a plummeting piece of pottery. Kuroo wanted to break your mental fall and give you something softer to land on. You were all but shattering right in front of him, so he opted for words that soothed. Words he wished he’d heard years ago when he’d been at his lowest point.

“Let’s go home.”

‘Home.’

He said it so steadily. So simply. There was authority in his tone, but it wasn’t sharp. Just sure.

How could one little word give you so much hope?

‘Home’ meant warmth. It meant safety and security. ‘Home’ was where you could be yourself, take a deep breath, and release whispery secrets out loud without fear of judgement.

You knew Kuroo meant your apartment when he’d said ‘home’ but you can’t help but think that there was some sentimental value to it.

You gave a sniff followed by a quiet, slightly nasally response,

“...Yeah. Please.”

You hear the click from him unlocking the car doors and you step in slowly, one foot in, then the next. Your hands, still a little shaky, plopped down on your legs and your eyes glued themselves to the dark, starlit sky through the windshield.

You’re exhausted and you feel a little out of place, but you’re just glad you’re not alone anymore, even if his steady, thoughtful gaze is basically burning a hole in your head right now.

Your breath quietly hitches at the sudden warmth seeping into your exposed skin.

He had rested a hand on your knee, a concerned look decorating his features, and begun stroking it slowly with his thumb. His methodical movements intended to soothe an already very fragile person.

Kuroo had only touched you like this once before. At a time when your eyes were frantic and your heart, pacing with worry. You had been drowning in finals papers and your mind threatened to go into an anxious spiral. Yet somehow, his touch, his selective words, and his offer to help you out had kept you afloat. Thanks to Kuroo, you managed to keep from breaking down then.

This time however, he was a bit too late.

But he kept drawing little circles, analyzing a new, yet strangely familiar face. An expression you hadn’t personally worn before, but that he’d seen somewhere in the past.

You feared that if he kept staring, the tears would start to fall all over again, his touch only reminding you of just how lonely you really were. So close to him, yet so far.

“Can we just go?” You plead, voice at a whisper.

And as you glance over to him, he can tell that there’s something you want to say, but you can’t quite put it into words. At least not right at this moment.

“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking…” Kuroo’s voice is low. He nods, but doesn’t quite finish his thought.

It would be better to get you home first before asking about anything. Otherwise you might shut down on him entirely. Whether or not you realized it, Kuroo was well aware of your tendency to avoid these more ‘personal topics.’ When something got too close to home, you were suddenly tired and needed to catch some extra Z’s. When he got a bit flirty, suddenly your phone became incredibly interesting. And any time he caught you close to tears, you would play it off as though it were nothing you couldn’t handle on your own.

But you aren’t nothing to Kuroo.

So far from it, actually.

You were as close to ‘home’ as he’d ever gotten.

Without having much close family, home was more of a physical destination to Kuroo. A structure with a solid door and a bed to crawl into. Where he could study in peace and quiet...

But there was always an emptiness deeply set within that silence.

It was impersonal at best. At worst, the space was frigid and lifeless. The iciness of the house took a toll on him, resulting in an anxious, quiet child. One who could hardly speak to friends and couldn’t look an adult in the eye.

Only when he’d met Kenma, when he had finally discovered a place where warmth overcame the bitter tundra of loneliness, did Kuroo understand what ‘home’ was supposed to be like.

‘Home’ was always welcoming.

It was birthdays with cake and ice cream. It became multiplayer video games and frustrated sighs or bickering after a shitty round of Mario Kart. It turned into short jaunts with friends to a local 7/11 where one could spend way too much money on a basket full of snacks. It was locking eyes with you for the first time after agreeing to room with a stranger at university. It was finding out that you two shared classes and could walk together every morning. ‘Home’ was found within the conversations that bloomed like a bright, young flower from your many hours willingly spent together over the next couple of years.

And in time, you two learned each other's patterns, quirks, and minds, thus growing increasingly comfortable in the other’s presence.

‘Home,’ in its truest form, is a beautiful thing and you wore it _radiantly_. To the point that Kuroo had caught his own fluttering feelings for you over the years, but even his best efforts to tell you were thwarted by your little diversions.

But that didn’t matter right now. Kuroo had finally gotten you two pulled into the parking lot after a painfully quiet drive home, so he needed to focus on getting you inside and comfortable.

“Just sit there, I’ll get your door.” Kuroo directed gently.

You nod, staying in place because you really didn’t have the energy to argue with him right now.

He tugs at the door handle and before you can blink, he’s got your arm looped around his. Something he only did teasingly in the past, usually resulting in you shoving him playfully away from you. You can’t bring yourself to push him off of you and, even though you’re already warm from the heat that’s spreading to your face, you find yourself leaning into his side.

Kuroo is comfortingly warm, you note. The way he tugs you closer has you mentally tripping over yourself. You can feel the heat from his forearm radiating through your thin, long-sleeved shirt as he walks you up the stairs and towards the apartment door.

The echo of your footsteps end as you two enter the flat and, knowing that there’s a lot to talk about, you opt to grab a fuzzy blanket from the basket beside the couch and prop yourself up on a barstool at the small kitchen island.

“You want some tea?” Kuroo turns his head to check with you, his hands already busy at work getting the water boiling for his own mug.

“Yeah, something with ginger in it maybe?” You mumble out, sniffling again.

“Already got it.” He shoots you a small smile, flashing you the tea packet wedged between his index and his thumb.

He knew you pretty damn well, you guessed.

“So y/n… you wanna tell me what happened tonight?”

Kuroo’s words are prompting, but you assume he’s already got some ideas of his own.

“Would you hate me if I said no?” You let a shy, humorous smile peek through your otherwise exhausted face.

“Y/n…” Kuroo sighs, running a hand through his hair and leaning back against the countertop opposite to your seat at the kitchen island.

He’s trying his hardest to maintain some level of calm, but the fact that you won’t tell him has him even more frustrated. You had every right to keep your business to yourself… but you looked like you were dying to tell him _something_.

Kuroo opens his mouth again, his brow creasing when you don’t answer, but you don’t let him get another word in.

“I-- I’m just not really sure where to start.” Your eyes grow a little hazy as you begin to decipher your feelings again. You let your elbows rest on the countertop, but use your hands to prop up your chin, glancing from Kuroo’s golden irises to the steaming water on the stove.

“You can start wherever.” Kuroo answers easily, his head tilting a little.

“It may take awhile to explain…” You press, both warning him and buying yourself some time.

“I’ve got all night, sweetheart.” He quips back, unfazed by your attempts at stalling.

He turns to pour the hot water into two mugs, tea bags already resting at the bottom of the cups. Kuroo turns back, grasping both mugs and setting both on the island, only to realize that your face has changed once again.

You’re anxious. Unsure. He can see it in the way you’re studying him, trying to gage his potential reaction to what you’re about to say. And unfortunately, Kuroo recognized the look faraway in your eyes. A blank, helpless stare that he himself had once wore when the sharp fangs of loneliness had once latched onto him.

So he takes a few steps toward your side of the kitchen, sets the mugs aside, and leans his forearms on the counter. Kuroo meets your eyes at a much closer range. Your arms fold into your chest in an odd, physical attempt to hold in a breath because his face is so close to yours now.

“Look…” He huffs out, “You really don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but I need you to know,”

He lifts a hand out and tilts your chin up, leaving you dumbfounded by the confidence in his reassuring touch.

“You can tell me anything, okay? I’ll always be right here.”

He’d managed to, once again, send you into a state of complete, baffling security. It might’ve helped that, even bent over the counter, his towering figure and stronger build allowed you to feel just as protected outside as you did in. Not only were the butterflies in your stomach acting up again and the burn in your cheeks back with a vengeance, but a wave of bravery flowed into you.

And that word flickers through your mind like a firefly.

‘Home.’

And ‘home’ meant safety. And safety meant you could speak freely.

So you do.

“It’s just… I haven’t been doing too well lately.” You blink at him, words frank to the point that they’re almost hilarious.

He blinks back… and then a milder version of that cheeky grin is back, followed by, “Well, I think I could glean at least that much.”

Kuroo’s fingers fall from your face, but he doesn’t break eye-contact except to snag a chair. He sits right across from you, resting his cheek in his palm. Partly to cover up the tint spreading across his cheeks, partly to fix his full attention on you.

You give him a weak but real smile and slouch into your chair, letting your tight shoulders loosen up a little bit.

“Give me a break okay?” You flick his forehead and he bites his lip, but it still remains in that lopsided smile.

However, your smile fades as his own face grows a little more serious, drawing the both of you back to the topic at hand.

“Kuroo, I’ve just been really... lonely.” You let out, voice small and soft compared to the teasing tone you’d carried seconds ago. “Like there’s this weight, this pressure inside of my chest and it just won’t lift no matter what I try, y’know? But today...”

You huff, letting out a deep sigh, “I think I finally hit some sort of breaking point.”

“I mean, saying that out loud feels really dramatic, but I think that’s all I can equate it to? And I guess it just came out in tears...” You express, looking down at your hands and messing with your own fingers. You felt silly. Like you’d built everything up only for it to sound like a stupid little problem.

But Kuroo’s face convinced you that he was taking every word seriously. That every little phrase mattered.

“Okay…” Kuroo processes, scanning your face and glancing down at your hands.

“So then why didn’t you say anything before?”

Well… that’s a pretty fair question, you think to yourself.

Because being real with someone meant being vulnerable? Because ridding yourself of loneliness meant putting your secrets and feelings out there in the open? Because it meant that closeness and proximity would change with whoever you shared your thoughts with? And because, specifically with Kuroo, you fear that the attachment would be too much for you to handle? All of these were the truth.

It’s hard to pick one answer, so you choose something simpler.

“I… was scared.” You admit, looking away from his gaze.

“Have you always felt this way?” His question at first sounds straightforward, but there’s a somber twinge to his voice.

“...Even around me?” And there’s the pause. Your words had definitely stung.

“I- Kuroo, that’s not fair…” You catch yourself speaking faster than you can think.

“You know you’re the only…” The answer is almost honest, nearly the truth… but the words catch in your throat as you realize what you’re saying.

“I- I mean… not around you,” You stutter out, hands actually making their way to your face this time. “What am I saying…”

You’d started this night crying hurt-heavy tears from not being able to share your feelings with the boy... And now you’ve been reduced to this flustered, hot mess? Who even were you today?

“You were saying that, ‘I’m the only… ?’” Kuroo tilts his head once again, this time in confusion.

There’s a flash of panic in your eyes. But not out of fear. It’s out of… embarrassment?

Then a lightbulb goes off and Kuroo’s eyes widen slightly in a slow realization. The puzzles pieces had finally clicked together, one by one.

You were both so close. So close to touching. So close to being something _more_ all the time… but never close enough to tell him how you really felt. And you’d pushed it to be that way. You’d purposefully kept yourself away because openness hurts. At some point in time, you had somehow convinced yourself that being vulnerable on purpose was _far_ more painful than suffering in silence.

And you can tell that Kuroo has caught on. But not because he’s grinning nor because he’s said anything to make you think so. No, it’s those eyes again.

He’s giving you that softened look again.

The one that could convince you that maybe there was more to this ‘friendship’ than what you were allowing yourself to admit. A look that reminded you of ‘home’ more than any other person, city, or beautiful, sturdy building could.

And, once more, Kuroo’s touch surprises you. A hand found its way to your own, grasping it firmly, the confidence in his outreach creating a deep contrast to the uncharacteristic, shy pink painting his cheeks.

“Kuroo-”

“Can I be completely honest with you?” He cuts you off, eyes fixed on your hands locked within his own.

“Well, it wouldn’t be like you to be anything else, would it?” You manage to stammer out, nerves reaching your voice.

“You’re not wrong.” Kuroo hums, rubbing your hand with his thumb.

“But I think now is a good time to say that I never want you to feel alone.” He starts, “I never want you to feel lonely like that because you’ve always made me feel so… at home.”

That word again.

“Like I couldn’t be lonely even if everyone I knew left me. Because at least I’d have you, y/n.” And if your heart wasn’t already racing, it’s not beating so loudly you would be surprised if he couldn’t hear it.

“Well, I mean if Kenma ditched me, that would suck and I’d probably be miserable for awhile, but that’s beside the point.” His lip twitches into a quick smile, lightening the mood.

“What I’m trying to say is that I- I like you. And, I think you might like me too…” He searches your gaze for some sort of confirmation.

“But whatever you feel towards me, I never want you to handle loneliness by yourself.”

“You’ll always have me. Whenever you need me. You’re home to me, y/n. I don’t say that lightly.”

He goes to release your hand, but you quickly tangle your digits with his, earning yourself a quick glance from his usually less revealing eyes.

“You’re home to me too.”

Your voice is small. The phrase comes out quickly. The emotion is heavily emphasized in that word ‘home’ again… but you mean it with every ounce of your being.

And looking into his eyes, you’re being affirmed by his knowing presence. That adoring look that’s reserved just for you, on full display. Absolute affection seeping through the gentle break of his smile.

“And I might like you too… just a little.” You break into your own small smile, reaching with the other hand to brush his messy hair away from his eyes.

And you’re shocked by the simplicity of your actions. Surprised by the sudden freedom you’ve given your hands.

Because now he’s close enough.

Close enough to card your fingers through his hair as tenderly as you pleased. Close enough to grab hold of him in a long, hopeful hug when the nights get cold or as dreams go sour. Close enough for his warmth to melt away the iciness of those lonesome feelings.

And best of all… Kuroo was finally close enough to call **_‘home.’_**

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written for Kuroo in a hot second and, of the things i have written, i haven't really posted any. so it's about time i put this one out there. if you'd like, leave me a comment w/ any thoughts you had! i love hearing from y'all <3
> 
> all my love,  
> gracie
> 
> \---  
> find this work and more on my Tumblr, Sneezefiction: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sneezefiction


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